I’m Back From Vacation and…I TOTALLY FUCKING SWOONED TODAY

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Hello everyone! I had planned to write to you this evening and tell you all about my vacation BUT…

Today I got butterflies. And my eyes twinkled. And I blushed. And I’ve decided I am going to tell you about that instead. The story of the bush party can wait.

I got back to the city few days ago but since I have been gone for over a month, I had so much to take care of that I didn’t really have much time to catch up on anything personal. If only we could go on holiday and never return. I don’t mean move to another place, but sort of being perpetually on holiday – that would be so awesome. Then you’d never have to go home and find that bills have piled up at your door and that a nice, grey blanket of dust is has slowly been thickening over all of your things.

Classes have already started. I find out about my credit transfer really soon. Things in general have been going really great. So far, every single day has given me something to be proud of and smile about – one of them is that I came out of last semester with a 4.0 GPA as well as commendations on my current research. Having people who are not your close friends and who do literary research for a living call your puny MA thesis things like “fascinating” and “superlative” makes you feel like you can crumble entire mountains in your bare fist.

Today, I met a new professor. I have known of him for some time. Other people had told me that he was smart and a really great teacher, but I had never seen or met him. I always thought his name was quite nice whenever I saw it in the course listings. He has a dreamy sort of name and I had always wondered who’s face it belonged to. But oh my darling readers. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened in the conference room today.

So I had registered for the course partly in preparation for my comprehensive exam and partly because I wanted to try and see if this prof could somehow get me interested in subject matter I have avoided like the plague since I became a student of literature – the British Renaissance period.

I’m sitting at the massive table, with my back to the door, catching up with my classmates while also tackling a chair with HORRIFIC lumbar support when I hear someone say, “Hello everybody.”

I could have sworn that it was a Mr. Darcy who said it. But I swivelled around in my chair, and no readers. It wasn’t a Mr. Darcy.

Towering over me was a Thranduil. I was staring straight into the piercing, emerald eyes of a fucking elf king! I’m not joking here people. Imagine the realm of Lord of the Rings. Got it? Now imagine the elven kingdom. Are you with me? Now imagine a MAGNIFIGLORIOUS elven king walked straight out of the bloody elven kingdom in Lord of the fucking Rings and stood in your doorway right now. Do you feel me? Do you?

The dreamy fucking name. I should have known.

Butterflies swarmed in my tummy at first sight and that almost NEVER happens – but then again I have never met an elven king before. I was completely flustered. I could have fallen out of that stupid chair. Inconsiderate bastard.

Then he spoke some more (oh that beautiful, melodious, gentle accent) and things got SO MUCH WORSE!

He was so tall. SO TALL!

And he was nice. SO NICE!

And his smile was so gentle. SO GENTLE!

And his features were sharp and chiselled. Like a true High elf.

And his movements and gestures were so graceful. Like a true High elf.

And he was intimidatingly intelligent and witty. Like a true High elf.

I have never been so interested in the history of England during the Renaissance period.

And then he looked right at me and asked me to speak and I blushed, looked down at my notebook and stuttered an explanation of my research.

My elven king read me a few lines of poetry (GOD CAN HE READ POETRY!) and that’s when I knew my eyes had started to twinkle and I couldn’t look at him any more. So I looked at his long, slender, elven king hands.

That’s when, my darling readers, I saw the FUCKING WEDDING RING! INCONSIDERATE BASTARD!

The magic dissipated in an instant and the spell was broken.

Oh readers! Alas, ’tis true when they say that all the elven kings are taken! (DAMMIT WHY!?)

Methinks this semester is going to be a sexily tough one. :D

The Pervert Within Or, Why I Can Never Meet Him Now

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Dear Blogosphere,

The past week I have been almost completely offline and I’ve quite enjoyed it. I think I will do that a lot more. But I saw something today that I absolutely need to tell you all about. Well, look, you might all know already but…I only JUST saw it and I cannot keep it to myself.

So I’ve completed two video games and read three Discworld novels in the past week along with watching several films.

Remember my awesome boyfriend-of-my-dreams Liam Neeson? Well lucky me in my dreams.  Continue reading

Flipping The Bird Page, Or Reading It One Last Time

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Dear Blogosphere,

I would have posted a list of resolutions for the year to come but I’ve never been able to really stick to the damn things anyway. Plus I have trying to minimize on lists, smooth sheets, showers, etc., during the last few months of this year and so far so good. What I can do however, is do a before and after…WITH PICTURES!

As I look over 2013, I feel as if during the first half I was somehow stunted emotionally, physically, and mentally. A lot of it had to do with being on those mind altering medications. While they helped in some sense, there was so much I didn’t understand about what I was going through.

My thought processes, when I could think, changed. My moods changed. My anger soared. My eating and sleeping habits changed. I was outside of myself and miserable, missing the days when I was inside myself and miserable, but I thought that maybe if I just stuck with it and listened to the doctor then perhaps it would work out eventually.  Continue reading

A Cold, Cruel Winter Has Come

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Dear Blogosphere,

Today, another car bomb went off in my city. Everyone’s Christmas/holiday high plummeted. It is not a good day.

I have lived here for close to 16 years now and gunfire, bombs, mini-wars – they don’t scare me. In fact there has always been such a great presence of those things here – in one form or another – that I have become numb to the violence in our political conflict.

Maybe not numb, but expectant.

As if death and fire and violence is meant to be just a part of every day life. Now and then, I have been affected either by sheer brutality, the number of casualties, or the disruption of the false sense of security that we are lulled into when we are allowed to become involved in our own lives by the gaps in between.

Today’s explosion was not the biggest that has ever happened by far. But today it feels different. Why this one? Why this time?

Maybe it’s because we got slapped so hard. I was riding my all time biggest wave straight into the next year, having done so much in mere months. That false sense of security. The utter shock.

And then I knew the boys whose father died in today’s explosion. I cannot say they were friends by any means, but there were shared drinks, random encounters at the same parties, stolen glances, side conversations… As if somehow, that makes things more “real”. My heart goes out to them. I don’t know, can’t even begin to imagine, how they must feel.

And then there are those who died and those who were injured, in fact, some of them unknowns because their IDs weren’t found. Those poor people just going about their day, post the Christmas day off. Perhaps looking forward to the weekend. Perhaps looking forward to lunch time. Perhaps looking forward to meeting up with a friend. Those who lost someone, who unexpectedly found themselves in a hospital waiting room, who frantically redialed a number hoping against hope…my heart goes out to them too.

Like all the other times no one will be punished for the pain they have caused today. No one will be punished for murdering those boys’ father – for slaughtering people like you or me. No one.

I am done with this god awful place where I have spent the last sixteen years of my life. Most of those years were a nightmare of bad decisions, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, being with the wrong person, doing the wrong things…I hate this place. I cannot wait to leave.

I am not done with this god awful place where I have spent the last sixteen years of my life because all those years have brought me to where I am now, have made me the person that I am now. Because I have had some good times here. Because I have loved here. Because I have lost here. Because I have strayed off the path here and then found it again over and over. Here. Because it is a hell, a home…I love this place. I wish I did not have to leave.

Today I am sad because there is no way to replace what has been lost. Today I am angry because my city has been attacked, raped, pillaged yet again. Today I am tired because this feels like the straw. Today I am disgusted by power and the way those who have it use others as pawns in a game of thrones. Today, a cold, cruel winter has come to Winterfell.

November.

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The Hell(?) That Is Free Time, Or A November Holiday Ramble

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Dear Readers,

I am here to ramble because I just tripped over the radiator cord and laughed at the silliness of the being that is November. Feel free to pass on this one.

I am so terrible with free time it’s ridiculous. After weeks of being crazy busy and being able to do nothing, I’ve gone completely mental and tried to do just about everything and I am pooped. There is just not enough time in the day to do all these “free-time” things!

I know. I know. Being on vacation is supposed to be all rest and relaxation but my inner Christmas holiday spirit will not do the Keep Calm thing.

Continue reading

November at the Movies, Or Sex with a Dragon

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My Dearest Readers,

I have been on vacation for three days now, and I’m feeling rather on top of the world.

For eight days I put myself on lock down because I had about six hundred and seventy one billion assignments to hand in. Well okay, it was four – but they were hardcore and I really need to do exceptionally well in order to get full funding for a doctorate program that I had no choice but to exile myself from the world.

During those eight days, I starved. I drank too much coffee. I also drank too much tea. (In my defense, there was a crazy cold wave that came in from Russia) My fingers froze as I typed papers that never ended on my laptop – the bunny mittens barely helped. I discussed literary theory with Lunatic. She of course, almost always gave me great insight. I went a little bit nuts and yes, I even did a little dancing!

It was so much fun…but I have to say that I am so relieved it is over. I came out of those eight days with a lot of new ideas, a pretty developed thesis, and a dress size smaller. Yes, I am a happy woman. 
Continue reading